A man entered a tattoo parlor on the lower west side

your birth certificate.' 'I know,' the man replied, 'I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all the gray hairs on my chest. That convinced them that I'm old enough.' His wife retorted, 'Then while you were at it, why didn't you whip out your dick and get disability, too?!'
A man entered a tattoo parlor on the lower west side and wanted to get a tattoo.
'What can I do for you?' asked the tattoo artist. 'Well,' the man replied, 'I want a $100 dollar bill tattooed on my danger.'
'I've never that request before. Do you mind if I ask why?'
'Well, I really like watch my money grow. I also love to play with my money and, I'll tell you, My wife can blow a hundred dollar's better than anyone I've known!'
I'm Glad I'm A Man:
I'm glad I'm a man, yes I am, I am king
I don't live off of berries, bon-bons, and rings
I don't brag to my girlfriends about my infections
I won't talk to the blind man, concerning directions
I don't act wasted a parties after drinking a beer and I know what I want when I call you dear!
I won't grab your hooters, cuz I'm afraid I'll get sued
I won't act polite, just to be used
I won't take my clothes off for a man, I'm no wussie and I don't have no string hanging from my _____
I might belch in public, but I won't be called runt
I'm a man you see -- Not no sissy ____!!
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could yell
I don't shave my hair, wax, or use gel
I don't buy wonder bras, or girdles or such and I don't beg for money to enlarge my bust
I don't pull the hair that grows from my navel
I don't dim the lights, or say I'm not able
I'm a man you see -- I'm much too stable!
And I honestly think it’s a privilege for you
when I play with your boob s, and tell you I care
I don't live for tupperware no not at all
I'm not there to pick you up each time you fall
and I won't take your money and go to the mall
I won't tell you a story, I won't waste my time
I won't whine about the headache I don't got and fuck I don't care how to use the crock-pot!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I can pee standing up, sitting down, or in a tree
I don't believe every ad with the word free
I don't long for sleepovers, or that time of the month
I didn't even fucking cry when I saw forest gump!
you must have big ovaries to call me a pig
don't you remember who bought you that wig?
I know your sorry, and think I'm a winner
quit standing there, and fetch me my dinner!
I am a man, a man till I die don't you forget it, unless you'd like to learn how to fly...