HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
SHOW UP NAKED,
BRING FOOD
DO NOT STAND IN FRONT OF TV
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Q. Why do jews carry shit in their wallets ?
A. For identification.
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Q. Why did the jewish poof get fired from the job at the spermbank ?
A. He was caught drinking on the job ...
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Q. How do you say "fuck off" in jewish ?
A. "Trust me!"
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Q. Whats the definition of jewish foreplay ?
A. Two hours of begging.
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Q. Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza ?
A. Pizzas don't scream in the oven.
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Q. Why do Jews have such big noses ?
A. Air is free ...
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Q. What did Adam say to Eve ?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.
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Q. Where is an elephants sex organ ?
A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you're fucked !
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Q. What do you get if you cross a nigger with a monkey ?
A. Nothing, monkeys are too intelligent to fuck niggers.
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Q. Why does Bush`s wife always get on top ?
A. Because George can only fuck up.
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Q. What do you do if you see a drowning jew ?
A. Throw him an anchor.
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Q. How do you save a drowning jew ?
A. Take your foot of his head.
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Q. Do you know how to save a drowning jew ?..
No ?!? Good!
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Q. What do you call an Irishman with half a brain ?
A. Gifted.
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Q. What do you call an Irishman with four 'O'-levels ?
A. A liar.
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Q. Why do women have two holes so close together ?
A. In case you miss.
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Q. How do you know if a woman is wearing underwear ?
A. Look for dandruff on her shoes.
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Q. What's the definition of mass confusion ?
A. Father's day in Brixton.
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Q. Whats the ultimate rejection ?
A. Your hand falling asleep while your having a wank.
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Q. What happens when a jew walks in to a wall with a full erection ?
A. He breaks his nose.
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Q. How many jews does it take to pave a driveway ?
A. It depends on how thin you slice them.
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Q. How do you know when the barman is really pissed off ?
A. When you find a string in your bloody mary.
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Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot ?
A. Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe
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Q. What's natural dentalfloss ?
A. Pubic hair.
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Q. Why did the homesexual leave home ?
A. He didn't like the way he was beeing reared.
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Q. Why don't niggers have chequebooks ?
A. Because it's hard to sign your name with a spraypaint.
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Q. What do you get if you cross a Jew with a gypsy ?
A. A chain of empty stores.
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Q. Why do jews smell so bad ?
A. So blind people can hate them as well.
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Q. What are the three greates lies ?